I haven't had a flashback in awhile. We've actually been quite busy trying to get out before RSV season is in full swing. But unfortunately those moments creep up when you don't expect it. Last night the trio went to bed at seven, Isabella was asleep by nine. And I oddly remembered it was the premiere of Grey's Anatomy. First I'm completely shocked and excited to 1) remember TV exists and 2) to have the freedom to watch a TV show on its premiere night. For a mom of four, this is huge! With lots of guilt, I turned on the TV when the show was halfway over (good thing for that DVR). I watched the show without folding laundry or getting up. I was actually quite disappointed in the episode and I've been a fan for years. But towards the end, the uncontrollable tears began. When McSteamy was pulled off life support, the screen kept showing that monitor, the same monitor that took over my world for 102 days. So there came the flashbacks, of those three tiny babies, often getting extubated and then re-intubated. The times I made myself watch the tube come in and out, knowing that was the only thing that kept them alive. When you are going through this, there is no time to process. So now, scenes from what used to be a favorite show, kind of make me sick to my stomach. Knowing that I've actually have been in a similar hospital setting sometimes blows my mind especially now since I am feeling more and more a sense of normalcy...as normal as life can be raising a 6 year old and micro-preemie triplets.