Flashback Friday~our identical boys

Here is a special Flashback! 

I haven't posted one in awhile...this doesn't mean that we don't have them.  

Everyday I think of just how tiny our three once were.    

Carlos and Marcos are identical twins, they shared a placenta, while Ms. Sofie had her very own and an individual sac.

Sharing a placenta put them at a very high risk for Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome.

Very early in the pregnancy, I underwent a procedure called Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS) to rule out chromosomal abnormalities.  At the time, ultrasounds showed a concern for Baby B's (Marcos) bladder, it was enlarged.  We were so worried at the time and had no idea that the test will also confirm their sex.

I remember being asked on the phone if I wanted to know their sex and of course I said yes!

...my first thought? What will I do if there is three boys?!

So here they are...

First of many pics together...

The pics were taken by a special someone who wanted to make mama smile once she got home from the NICU.

What do I see in these pictures?
The NG-tube...Carlos's (left) thru his mouth and Marcos's thru his nose.
This allowed them to drink mama's milk every 3 hours.  Carlitos was our sickest of the three and was on TPN (Total Parenteral Nutrition) the longest.  He took what seemed forever to work his way up to full feeds. He patiently waited to receive breast milk, nurse and drink from a bottle. Perhaps that is why our identical boys have always had a weight difference.

What else do I see? Nothing on their face!! Our wonderful nurses were allowing them a little break from oxygen support.  This photo shoot took about 20 seconds and required a team of four, including RT (respiratory therapist)
And they are wearing clothes! A huge NICU milestone...

The pictures were taken on July 22, 2011.

They came home about a month later.

Happy Friday!
And Happy 10 years to us!
TEN years ago I married the most wonderful man, husband and father.
We just wanted one more...
and God blessed us with three and after getting through a high risk pregnancy, an almost 3 1/2 month NICU stay, sleep deprivation and exhaustion, we are stronger than ever!

Flashback Friday~Grey's spoiler

I haven't had a flashback in awhile. We've actually been quite busy trying to get out before RSV season is in full swing. But unfortunately those moments creep up when you don't expect it. Last night the trio went to bed at seven, Isabella was asleep by nine. And I oddly remembered it was the premiere of Grey's Anatomy.  First I'm completely shocked and excited to 1) remember TV exists and 2) to have the freedom to watch a TV show on its premiere night.  For a mom of four, this is huge! With lots of guilt, I turned on the TV when the show was halfway over (good thing for that DVR).  I watched the show without folding laundry or getting up.  I was actually quite disappointed in the episode and I've been a fan for years.  But towards the end, the uncontrollable tears began.   When  McSteamy was pulled off life support, the screen kept showing that monitor, the same monitor that took over my world for 102 days. So there came the flashbacks, of those three tiny babies, often getting extubated and then re-intubated.  The times I made myself watch the tube come in and out, knowing that was the only thing that kept them alive.  When you are going through this, there is no time to process.  So now, scenes from what used to be a favorite show, kind of make me sick to my stomach.  Knowing that I've actually have been in a similar hospital setting sometimes blows my mind especially now since I am feeling more and more a sense of normalcy...as normal as life can be raising a 6 year old and micro-preemie triplets.

August 17, 2011~Flashback Friday

Here is Marcos last year. 

August 17, 2011

The trio is 15 months actual age today.

 He was the first one to be tubeless, no nasal canula, no feeding tube.  I remember I couldn't wait until everything came off.  All of this meant we were getting so close to bringing them home.  And so I took a few pics of what my view was for months. 

Marcos's monitor satting at 96 with no assistance.  A glorious day.

After 24 hours the tape comes off.  And the 5 day countdown was on!

Daddy holding Marcos.

Not sure why I don't have any pics of Carlos on this day.  I will need to look back at my notes to see if he was already co-bedding with brother and sister.  I'm pretty sure he was.

Sofia was also getting close.  It became a race.  Here is a note I found one morning on Sofia's crib.  Nurse Nuna trying it out and challenging my girl. She did it! Her countdown began as well.

The bullet~Flashback Friday

Remember this?

This is how it all began...

Breast milk in a bullet

It's been almost 14 months of pumping.  When they were born, it was every 2 hours during the day, every 3 at night.  During the first 2 weeks, not once did I miss a pumping session.  I was one dedicated mama.  After that, I started sleeping through the alarm but during the day, I was a pumping queen.
  
One of the nice things about the NICU is having a super supportive staff.  Nurses that reminded me it was time, nurses that brought me food and snacks, no way could I have done this without them.  It's getting tougher and tougher with three mobile kiddos.  Yes, they are all over the place.  So this week I made the decision to only pump twice a day.  Lots of mixed emotions, I know its coming to an end soon...Around their birthday in May, I went down to three times a day.  I can no longer keep up with that, big sis and mostly the house and the laundry.  It will be a bitter sweet moment when that pump is put away.  Part of me will be doing cartwheels for sure.  My goal is their due date...August 28, 2012.


The trio is still on breast milk and formula.  I tried to make their foods with whole milk and it resulted in lots of spit up.  We are trying again in August.  Only about six more weeks until the anticipated due date.  I'll have to start thinking of how we will celebrate the big due date (adjusted birthday) and those homecoming dates! 
A little late...but hope you Friday the 13th was great.

Flashback Friday~PDA surgeries

June 24, 2011 was Day 38 in the NICU.

This was the day of the PDA surgery for Carlos and Sofia.

Marcos had to wait another week because he was getting over pneumonia.

About 10 days prior, Carlos was switched to the high frequency ventilator.  He was really sick.  A blood culture was taken to check for infections. Also, his x-rays began to show that his right lung was slightly elevated than his left.  Doctors were never really able to explain why or how this happened. The only explanation we got was that his right diaphragm did not function correctly.  Diaphragm paralysis.  It was something that we had to wait out and see if it resolved itself.  Luckily it did and a major surgery was avoided. Carlitos had the most difficulty getting off the ventilator. He failed extubation several times and was on the vent for about 8 weeks.  

Around the time of the surgery, Carlos was weighing around 910 grams while Sofia, my smallest, was 785 grams.  

The surgeons didn't want to operate when they were smaller.  

They were both receiving hydrocortisone to help treat their premature lungs.

Pictures from the morning of the surgery.  Scary times.  

Carlos getting prepped for surgery.

Praying with Sofia

Carlos

Post-op....Carlos

Sofia

Sofia meets Tita~Flashback Friday

~Flashback Friday~

My mother-in-law and sister-in-law are visiting from AZ for the weekend.  

In Tita's honor, here are some pics of Tita holding Sofia for the first time.  

Pictures taken on July 14, 2011

I have recently found the little notebook that I took with me every morning to rounds.  

Things must have been looking up for Sofia because there are very little notes around this time.

On July 17, 2011, Sofia weighed 1310 grams or 2 lbs. 14 oz!!!!

This was huge, not bad for the ex-25 weeker.

She was getting 26 mls of breast milk every 3 hours.

And was on nasal canula, 2 liters, oxygen between 25-35%.....

Oh NICU memories!

Flashback Friday-Marcos

And how do I know its Marcos? Because I loved his tiny hat! One morning I came in and he had it on. One of his primary nurses put it on and he looked adorable. 

The hats are knitted by volunteers and it was the perfect size.

Picture taken 6.2.2011

16 days old

Flashback Friday~Sofia

This is Sofia on May 26, 2011.

She was the first out of the three to be extubated, 9 days after she was born.

 She was my smallest, weighing 1 lb 2.3 oz.
Everyone called her a rock star. 

If my memory is correct...she lasted about 3 days 2 1/2 weeks before the tube had to go back in.  

That was hard, oh those ups and downs of the NICU.

She was intubated for approximately 6 weeks. 

Once she had her PDA surgery, she didn't look back and her breathing progressed quickly.

Flasback Friday~Birthday edition

We had a great day yesterday! I must have sang happy birthday a million times.  I think I spent all day taking pictures and video! Hopefully soon I can upload.  

It has been an emotional week...but in a good way. I thought I would have a harder time on their first birthday but I am feeling at peace with everything we have gone through. I have shed a few tears, especially when I look at this.  But a lot of times, they are happy tears.  Tears of joy, especially when I take a few seconds and just stare at my babies. They are so big and so long. They once fit on my chest, in between my breasts. They were so tiny and now when their heads are on my shoulders, their cute little feet touch my lap!

 

At times I am speechless, in complete amazement of how far they have come. 

I've been asking big sis if she remembers the day they were born and when she first saw them. Her responses include "They were tiny, their heads were as big as my fist, they were slimy and shiny but they were cute..."

I also asked my mom if she remembered what she thought when my water broke.  Luckily my parents were visiting from AZ.  When we left for the hospital around midnight my mom was also hopeful.  She thought I would stay in the hospital for sure but no one really thought that they would come so early.  When she got the call about my emergency C-section she tells me that her and my dad got on their knees and prayed.  

It was good that they were born while they were here...I don't even want to picture what we would have done if we would have been alone.  Can you imagine Isabella coming with us or me taking an ambulance by myself! Yikes. 

Here is Grandma meeting Carlitos for the first time

And now lots to do for our birthday party on Sunday!

Flashback Friday~Pregnant mommy

Flashback for sure!

This is mommy with three babies in her belly last Easter, 2011.

The trio will be turning one on May 17.  We are a few days away from starting our month countdown.

Flashback Friday~Marcos

Daddy found a bunch of pictures of the trio I had never seen.  They are not the best quality because they were taken with his cel phone.

We still don't know which baby is in the picture for sure, we can only guess.

I think this is Marcos and only because of the isolette next to me and the hat he is wearing.

Oh sweet baby! How far you have come!

Taken May 25, 2011

Day 9



Flashback Friday-The Golden Gate Bridge

This past Wednesday, we headed to San Francisco once again...this time with the trio, the strollers, and a huge diaper bag that included six bottles, breast milk, formula, diapers and extra clothes.  The babies had their first follow up appointment with the NICU clinic.  More to come on the actual appointment later...
But below are some not so great pics of the Golden Gate Bridge that I took on that day. 

 As I grabbed my phone and started snapping away I realized how far I have come.  When we first moved to the North Bay, driving on that bridge was pretty exciting.  We just couldn't believe that this well known monument was less than an hour away from us.  With our pregnancy, everything changed.  Our trips to the city were no longer fun.  They were nerve wracking, intense, full of anticipation and often fear.

Then the babies were born, and leaving our three one pound babies behind in a medically fragile condition in a city that was 30 miles away from our house was the hardest thing we have ever done.  And so the commuting began.  The first three weeks, we did it together.  The hubby took time off since I couldn't drive because of the c-section.  Then, on most days, I did the trip solo.  I remember the first time I drove myself to the hospital.  I still felt like a zombie going on adrenaline. It was no longer exciting.  Yes, I was getting closer to my babies; but, those first few weeks, even couple of months I would have no idea what I would be walking into.  In the NICU, a lot can change in a matter of seconds, and there was usually about a 3 hour window from my 6 am phone call and my 9am arrival.  Being so far away from the babies resulted in a lot of anger towards this bridge.   I could not appreciate the beauty, the sunshine or much of anything.  How could I while I had three fragile and tiny babies with a tube down their throat fighting for every breath? I was in my own world. Somehow my anger brought me closer to God.  Not sure at what point in the 102 days of traveling back and forth, I decided to pray each time I crossed the bridge.  I prayed for the health of our babies, strength, patience, wisdom but most importantly I asked God to help me accept his Will, his Plan, to help me accept whatever our future may hold.   And once I did, the anger started to subdue.  So the fact that I was reaching for the camera and taking some pics brought me some sort of relief even a sense of peace.  Nine months later, I can breathe a little easier.  I'm starting to move forward and deal with lots of feelings that had to be avoided.  I was in survival mode, and survival mode for me resulted in numbness.  So many days, I felt so cold, I felt like I should feel more, I should cry more, I was somewhat detached; but I got through it.

I was feeling pretty good that morning.  I was a bit nervous about the appointment but overall calm.  Feeling pretty accomplished for getting out of the house by 8am! Then I saw the bridge and I was happy to be able to appreciate it.  And then when we pulled in to the hospital's parking garage everything changed... I think I had a mini panic attack! Just out of nowhere, I found myself where I was nine months ago. Will the flashbacks ever stop?

Flashback Friday~Mystery baby

Love this pic!

Just not sure which of the three it is...

Maybe Sofia?

NICU brain...

Picture taken 7/14/2011

Flashback Friday-High Frequency Oscillation

I remember this as one of many bad days during our NICU stay.

The babies were almost 4 weeks old when both boys were not responding to high settings on a traditional ventilator. They had to be switched to high frequency oscillation vent.   Carlitos was first.  I was warned about how big and loud the equipment was.  

I was explained that he would look like he was vibrating.  I was told he could not be held while he was on it.  You could say that I was somewhat prepared; but, I think the switch was made sometime between my 5am call and my 9:30am arrival.  I walked in and my heart dropped. I saw it as a huge step backwards.  

Nurse Jackie explained it as a good thing, it would give him a break and cause less lung damage.  The high frequency ventilator would do all the work for him.  It can give small tidal volumes and extremely rapid ventilator rates.  

A couple of days later, Marcos made the switch.  He had caught pneumonia and was having lots of desats.  I remember they had mentioned it as a possibility but all of a sudden the switch was made.  I was holding Sofia when Marcos's alarms kept beeping.  When you are doing kangaroo care and it takes 2 or 3 nurses plus RT to hand you your baby, it's not like you can just put her back. So I quietly watched Marco's nurse advocate for him.  I sensed a bit of panic in her voice and even a bit of anger.  She wasn't going to wait any longer.  The doctor was called to get the okay and RT quickly moved.  Since this type of ventilator requires more space, Marcos had to be moved to a different side of the room.  My trio was no longer next to each other.

It happened so fast and with such urgency that Sofia's nurse reminded everyone that I was in the room.  I felt so helpless.  One of the nurses later apologized, not really sure for what.  An apology was not necessary at all.  They knew what was best and I was so thankful they cared for Marcos so well.  I can't really paint the picture of how things work in the NICU, how fast things happen.  But I guess you could say that there are some things the staff prefers a mother does not hear or witness. 

We were lucky.  We were blessed.  

In less than a week, the boys turned around and were back on traditional vents.  

This picture brings up so many feelings.

In our 102 NICU stay, I only saw one more baby on this type of vent.

A sweet baby girl who did not make it.

Kind of a downer post but it helps to deal with all these emotions.

I think I'll go kiss and cuddle my babies.

Flashback Friday-Sofia

Taken July 2, 2011

Big Sister is off from school today (Veteran's Day) so I thought I would post this picture of her visiting Little Sister while still in the NICU.  Big Sis was a trooper throughout the NICU stay.  She was shuffled around from friend to babysitter to extra hours at preschool.  It was tough on everyone.  On weekends, she went with us and after spending a few minutes with her siblings, she would be ready to watch movies.  I was finally happy that she could watch television all day long and be entertained.  The nurses often commented on how great she was.  She was so quiet, as if there was no 4 year old sitting in the corner.  We had a great set up that included her own princess chair, her portable DVD player and backpack full of stuff to do.  Most days, movies was all we needed.

I will have to look for the picture the nurses took....

People often ask me what the hardest thing is about having triplets...my response is not having enough time for my five year old and hearing her say it. 

I love you Isabella and I promise this will get easier for all of us!